I’ve survived another year without my baby boy…

Well today is New Years Eve! Most people feel like partying to celebrate going into the New Year, but it’s bittersweet for me! Another year has been & gone now since I last saw my baby boy. Last year on my first New Years Eve since we lost Lucas, I found it really tough. I didn’t think anything of it until the grief hit me like a ton of bricks. Looking back, it’s probably because my mind was wrapped around how on earth I would survive my first Christmas without him! 

It felt so wrong going into a New year without my baby. He should have been there with us too and we should have had all our exciting times like his first birthday to look forward to. Instead I went into the new year dreading it because I knew we were going to have to survive his first birthday without him and also the first anniversary from when he died. I’d suddenly gone from saying we lost our baby in May to we lost our baby last year. It made me feel so far away from him which just hurt even more. 

So this year we have been so lucky & we welcomed our beautiful daughter into the world in July. The first part of the year was filled with worry for Emelia during my pregnancy and then sadness as we went through Lucas’ 1st birthday and the first anniversary since we lost him. Since Emelia came into the world we have felt so blessed and she is simply amazing. We know our beautiful boy sent her to help heal our hearts…  It’s nice to be able to look forward to next year now that we have things to celebrate but we will always have our sad times too. I still can’t believe Lucas would have been 2 in 5 months time, how time flies…. So as we move into the New Year tonight, I will be thinking of my amazing little fighter Lucas & wishing he could still be here with us. Another year has passed since you grew your angel wings baby boy. We miss you forever & we will love you for always ❤️ 

I’m Wishing you all a very happy new year & I hope 2016 brings happiness to everybody 🎉 

  Thanks for reading! Abi.x

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