So as the title says… I am literally feeling like I am a crazy over protective mummy right now!! Emelia has been poorly since Thursday with a bad viral infection & also conjunctivitis. Since Thursday evening her temperature has been getting up to 38.3 and it also went down to just over 35 too!! Now for anyone who knows what we’ve been through you might have a slight understanding of why I ended up feeling like this!! For the ones that don’t, let me explain….
The day Lucas died, the first sign of anything being wrong with him was a very low temperature of 34c. After noticing that first sign it was only an hour and a half later when we lost him. So when I checked Emelia’s temperature and it was going so high & also low I have been petrified. It felt like history was going to repeat itself and I couldn’t cope with it at all. I felt so guilty for this but I found myself pulling away from Emelia instantly. All she probably wanted was some cuddles and attention from her mummy but I distanced myself from her so much and only did what I needed to do to make sure she was ok. I feel terrible. When my baby needs me the most all I do is that?! What sort of a mummy does that!!! I know it’s my own way of protecting myself but I don’t half feel guilty. Thankfully today Emmy is slightly better and I’ve brought myself to give her the cuddles and love she really needs ❤️ I’m praying she’s better over the next few days!! Dreading leaving her to go to work already!! Sorry for such a boring post but I need to know I’ts not just me and that people understand!! Have any of you who have rainbow babies found yourself feeling the same way?
Thanks for reading! Abi.x